Finding Tara
by stronglikeanamazon98
Summary: Willow is determined to bring Tara back from the dead.
1. Chapter 1

When a person goes through life, they experience losses. Losses they can't control. Small losses, big losses, the sort of things that will invariably change a person. We've all gone through them. And you mostly move on where you can and forget where you can't.

But when you find the one person you love most in the world, and you lose them, you can't move on. You don't want to forget. They mean too much. So what do you do?

What can you do?

Most people would say nothing, that they don't have a choice, but that's not true.

I'm Willow Rosenberg, one of the most powerful Wiccans on Earth. And I can bring my love, Tara Maclay, back. So that's what I'm going to do.

I suppose you should know what happened, before we jump into the thick of things.

Tara Maclay was the most beautiful, wonderful, amazing person I've ever known. For everything that I wasn't, she was. Words can't express how much I loved her.

But then came Warren.

Warren f***ing Mears. Dirty lowlife scum if I've ever seen any. Misogynistic and murderous.

We never saw him coming. He was a pain in the ass, but we could handle him. Buffy could handle him.

Guns, however, are harder to handle than a trio of nerds with Warren as their leader. Guns have bullets. When you aren't expecting a bullet, you can't stop it. I learned that the hard way.

The last thing Tara ever said to me was 'your shirt.' That's it. Just 'your shirt.' And then she was slipping away from me faster than I could pull her back. A tiny little bullet ripped out her insides and took her light away from me, and from the world.

I can't help but think if I had done something faster, or moved quicker, I could have made a difference, and she'd still be here today. If we had waited to make up-that's what gets me the most-if we had taken more time apart, Tara wouldn't have been standing by the window. I got Tara back, and lost her again.


	2. Chapter 2

There's a pile of boxes in the closet of the tiny apartment I've got rented. Before Sunnydale caved, there wasn't a lot of time to pack. Most of Tara's stuff went to her family, right after she died. Those four boxes are all I've got left of her. Her grave is gone. The park where we sang to each other at is gone. The Bronze where we hung out at is gone. It's all gone.

Except those four boxes and a half-finished journal of things we did from college and a new one I just purchased to write my memories down. Sometimes the details slip away, and it's terrifying.

I've looked through the boxes before, but mostly I just riffle through them. Mostly because it hurts to think that she's gone, and it's all I've got to remember her by.

But the fact is, those boxes have surprises in them. Surprises from Tara that make her not-so-far-away. Once I've gone through them thoroughly, that'll be gone. She won't have anything more to tell me. There won't be any undiscovered pictures or letters or a waft of her perfume stirred up with the movement of a folded sweater.

But now I've got to go through the rest of the boxes. Tara isn't here, and if I want to find her, I have to convince myself fully of that. I open the first box.

I've been through the first box already. It's full of things Tara left behind at Buffy's. A couple of outfits, some stray necklaces and mismatched earrings, a couple books. I set everything out on my bed, smiling as several photographs make their way out of the box. Tara and I, smiling at the camera. Innocent and happy, with no idea of the pain that's to come.

The second and third boxes have been untouched. I open the second one, and am greeted by the sight of photo albums, journals, and the occasional trinket. A doll, probably from when Tara was a little girl, leans against one corner of the box, well-loved and dusty.

There's a letter tucked in the side of the box. The ivory envelope has my name on it, the 'i' dotted with a heart. My hands shaking, I open the envelope, and slide the paper out.

Tara's handwriting fills the page, small and somewhat cramped.

Willow,

I'm writing this in case something happens. After the Glory thing, I decided I should put some things in order. Just in case something were to happen. So if you're reading this, something has.

I love you. I will always love you, and hopefully you know that, but I want to say it again. And if something happens-don't stay sad forever. Things will get better. You're too hard on yourself for everything that happens.

Will, I left you all of this because it's what was important. You'll always have me, even if I'm not right there. Somewhere, I'll be there, thinking of you just like you're thinking about me.

Don't abuse the magics again. You'll want to turn to them to fix things, but they won't help. So for me, do your best to stay away. It might be hard, but you can do it.

Stay strong-strong like an Amazon.

Love Always,

Tara

My eyes were blurred with tears when I finished reading, and the familiar ache filled my heart. Oh, Tara. Always thinking of others.

"Love you too." I whisper. "Always will."

I fold the letter closed, and notice there is some writing on the back.

P.S. If I haven't done this yet, then there will be a third box. Open it. ❤

I swallow, and look at the smallest box, the third box. My heart beat quickens. What wouldn't Tara have done? What was so important it got its own box?

I pick it up and hold it carefully, like a newborn baby. The top and sides are taped heavily, and it takes me several tries before I grab a scissors and slit through the tape.


End file.
